CHIP IN!!!

An unpleasant evening; harassment and asthma

This is a blog for me to try to unpack and process what happened last night.

It began at the end of a stressful day; trying to plan how I'll manage my time with two part time jobs and a masters thesis to write, writing a PhD application, getting the 2nd speeding ticket of my life costing nearly $300 and 4 points off my license...I thought a walk in a beautiful evening might be good, my lover agreed! I was really enjoying my walk until I started to feel quite wheezy, with two puffs of bricanyl not helping very much. As I was heading up a street I saw what I thought were two gay guys getting it on, on the other side of the road...soon it became clear that my asthma was not ok and I turned back.

As I turned around I noted that the two men had become a group of 4 or 5, but kept on walking. All of a sudden I noticed movement in my peripheral vision and saw one of the young men had crossed the road and was talking to me. I took out my headphones to hear him asking me if I'd like a drink of 'sprite'...given his weavings, I assumed it wasn't sprite. I was polite and said no thankyou and kept walking slowly, he then asked me if I'd like to go out with them and to get ready in 5 minutes, to which I also said no thankyou and kept walking.

As I walked away they began yelling out 'faggot, scared of a gay bashing hey?' and other similar things. 
This continued all the way up the street, a good 2-300 meters. My heart was racing, I was terrified they were going to follow me and bash/rape me. I was terrified. I turned the corner 9not in the direction of going home as I didn't want to lead them that way) and called got on my phone to call Jayke and Melker. I crossed over the main road and tried to hover about some of the homes that were lit up and waited to be picked up.
Terror, fear, horror, trembling are all words close to what I was feeling. I was thinking that I was lucky they didn't know I was trans* as well! I was thinking Canberra seems so much safer, ten years as an out lesbian and 2 as a queer trans guy and hardly a comment.


The boys picked me up in the car and headed home...I began to realise that my asthma was not good and we went to Canterbury Hospital. The reception at the hospital was strange; the triage nurse didn't seem to have any idea what to do! When I finally made it to the bed area, the nurse helped me into a robe...making sure he held out the robe so he could gaze at my chest weirdly. He was unresponsive and unpleasant...turns out he was a temp nurse and Jayke called him on it by getting his name and details (aka we might dob on you) he became more pleasant :)








The rest of the staff were pretty good, there were queers everywhere and  a really fun Matron. Melker and Jayke made the whole experience fun by being silly and making everyone laugh! It certainly took my mind off things for a while. After a number of nebulisers and 50mg of prednisone, a clear chest x-ray and a couple of hours, they sent me home with drugs. I struggled to get to sleep and woke up at 5 unable to get back to sleep.


TODAY: 
I feel scared to go out in my own suburb. They live here, just down the road. I don't want to feel afraid, but I am! I am aware that in terms of harassment, this is quite a small thing...I wasn't bashed or anything...however I am still scared!
I have been lucky so far to avoid anything like this, and i feel my foundations of safety have been shaken. I hate feeling this way.


I want to go out and pump iron at the gym, go to self defense classes, whatever...anything to stop me looking small and 'gettable'. I want it to not matter that I'm trans* or queer, I want to not feel afraid.


Billy - feeling a little less than confident

NERD!!!!

Just for the hell of it, I took a nerd test...results are DORKY NERD KING HAHAHA!!

2012, the year of getting fit and healthy!

It's time....after my chest surgery last year, I have put on a few kilos...time to shift them!
I'm using a combination of logging my food on myfitnesspal as well as cutting out sugar and following
some good hard workouts!
I've lost just over 2 kilos so far...my goal is for around 65 kilos (I'm just over 91 right now) but my first short goal is 80kg. I almost made it last year....but then after being inactive after surgery, I put it back on!!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Being myself

So, I've been ruminating on this quite a bit, what it means to be me. This is not especially about being trans*, but more about my personality. Over the course of my life so many people have tried to stifle me, control me, stop me from being me. I know why, not many people can handle my need to be busy, have fun and socialise.
I know my personality is big, I know it shits or scares some people and for that reason I've spent years thinking about trying to change it, or actually trying to be different.

NO MORE

I am me.
I'm loud, bold, straight forward and a bit naughty. Guess what?
Not changing. I mean if there are serious things that need to be address then yes I will, I see a counsellor
and she helps keep me on track and address change where it is needed, however, the core of my personality is who I am and I LOVE ME!

Just my self reflection for today :)

Chest photos AND link to chest video youtube

Day 3

Ready for surgery!

 

 Day 8

3 weeks

4 weeks

6 weeks

7 weeks 

10 weeks 

Link to the surgery update vid I just uploaded to youtube http://youtu.be/S1jGtEmpQWs

'Editing my life story' from Tyler

This is the first guy I saw on youtube, he was really helpful, answering  my questions etc. Here he is discussing some issues with being stealth and how it feels he is 'lying' through his editing his life story, wondering what other guys think?
http://youtu.be/eA1ah4VZR50