Anxiety is a new beast to me and I'm getting a bit over it.
I am about to write stuff that will 'out' my current sense of feeling weak and vulnerable so be gentle with me!
Yesterday evening I caught a train from home to Newtown by myself, a 20 minute trip. I felt nervous about it for no particular reason but I decided I needed to do it anyhow, so I spent the whole trip shaking. I actually just want to stay home and do stuff I enjoy or get out into nature. I'm finding social gatherings incredibly difficult also, me the extrovert!! This is disturbing in itself.
One of the main problems however is that I feel shit about it. I get distressed by my own inability to function how I'd like to then I beat myself up then I feel like my friends won't want to bother with me anymore and that it will affect my relationships. Then I spiral into feeling down and more anxious. I'm seeing a counsellor but the bottom line is I feel like I'm stuck with this now and it shits me
Anyhow just wanted to share and hope that it might better explain me to anyone who's wondering where I've been lately
Billy
