I find myself using this blog to say things I might find hard saying verbally. It's a good thing.
When I was 7, I was told I had asthma, just like that! I was sitting in school in Kyabram and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe properly. I had no idea what was going on, but I remember going to the hospital and the Dr asking mum how my asthma had been lately...she said I didn't have it, and he said well you do now!
I remember a lot about that year. We were living in Kyabram with one mum's cousins (who had also married one of dad's brothers!). Dad had gone to Queensland to work with the army up there. (Apparently, also to live with a woman, but that's another story). Just before this all unfolded, my little brother had died. He was born when I was 4 and had microcephaly, which is basically a brain that is too small and under formed. Craig wasn't meant to live longer than a few days, but he was almost 2 when he died! Craig had grand mall seizures, never cried, talked or moved...but oh how I loved him! He was so cute and chubby, and he smelled like baby powder...in my young brain, sending me to school when I was 5 was terribly cruel - taking me away from him! I'm pretty sure I made up reasons to stay home :D.
The year preceding the diagnosis of asthma was horrid, especially for a kid with no control over anything. I can only begin to imagine what my mum went through, but that's her story.
Anyhow...asthma treatment in 1978 was not fantastic; it was a nebuliser with ventolin or cortisone injections if it became worse. That first year I remember mum taking me to my cousin Libby's house to use her nebuliser as I'm pretty sure mum couldn't afford one. I had lots of tonsilitis too, so I feel like I spent the year between 6 and 7 sad or sick.
After a couple of years, a tablet became my next drug (theophylline) as well as some puffers that tasted like SHIT! I still had to be careful about sport, which has always been a trigger for me. I had to often be inside when my older brother and our friends were playing outside in the evening because it was too cold. I had to be careful not to have wet hair at night, or get when when it was cold....and so on. There were so many precautions that mum had to enforce because I was too young and/or irresponsible.
Years of sleepless nights were ahead for mum, sitting up as she watched me sleep, my breathing in a bad way...they were scary years for me too. During my early teens, the drugs began to improve and I began to be able to play sport and I got into it for a while; hockey, badminton, basketball, softball....maybe I was making up for lost time! I took up part time smoking at 12 (yeah stupid right?)At around 15/16 I found alcohol, then in the middle of my 16th year I found myself about to be a parent (yep still smoking). Turns out incubating causes wild asthma too - I had long trips to hospital that year, up to 8 days at a time. I ended up chucking in smoking at 21ish, good decision!
Eventually that all passed and the asthma drugs got better, and through my 20s I got back into sport and exercise. Once I hit about 32, the asthma started going downhill for no explainable reason.
In the last 3 years, it has become even worse. I guess the thing is, there are very few moments in my life when I breathe 100% well, when I say I have asthma, I mean that it has become worse. I never know what's going to trigger it these days, and most of the time I can't work out what did it!
Needless to say, I'm off to the Dr this morning to get a stronger preventer (with stronger side effects :/) and for a referal to an asthma/allergy centre running here.
Lung function is not great at the moment and I spend time worrying about what will trigger it next. That's the other thing; it's not just the physical stuff. When living with a life threatening illness there is psychological stuff too - about death, but also about being constantly restricted in phsyical activity. It's great to say to lose weight I need to exercise 3-4 times a week, but sometimes I'll have a week or two where I can't do anything; it gets me down and makes it much harder to maintain an exercise routine.
It's hard to have an invisible illness.
Anyhow, I'll admit it, I'm writing this for me! I just wanted to share it with you all.
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